Mould me after Your Heart;

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

T-

Hey. Reading your posts just gets me so down..is it me you're aoiding? why? It doesn't make sense. I'm sorry, really i am, if i'e just done anything to hurt you. Why do you not know that it hurts me to see you like this too? If you want the truth, I'll gie you the truth. Firstly, I don't understand, why. Why. It's not me that has changed, T, it's you. I'm still me, the one i'e always been. Yet, you'e changed- your iews, your perspecties, your feelings. You'e always been so happy-go-lucky, as you'e confessed. The chirpy one that i fought so hard to find that source of it all! But yes. When storms came, it was difficult. Cause you didn't understand. You neer knew what troubles meant, or how it felt. And at that point, i was crushed. You were the only one i had, yet you neer understood me. When things turned bad, and i was alone, you didn't stand up for me. & when others laughed, you just laughed along. You just couldn't tell the hurt behind the smile. I talked to you, you just laughed it off. Nothing could pull you down, not me, not my problems. Life was simple, and i was just someone you met on the way. I wasn't taken seriously, though i was. I always took the first step, yet neer got one in return. Maybe you're right, and i still remember those words - "why do you always just remember the bad things, and not the good?" Because they hit your heart, T, because they do. But that was in the past. We were, immature. I took things as they came one day, let it go the next. I forgae, moed on. I understood that i didn't really mean much to you, your studies was always top priority. i loed you as a friend, and didn't want to bring you down, so i didn't nag when the reply for the request of lunch each day was,"I'e got lunch at home already, and i need to study!" Sometimes een before I could say bye, you'e zoomed off, out the classroom, on your way back already. All I could do was just smile at myself and ask someone else out for lunch. Haha, but that is history, is it not? Maybe it's time to understand this half for a moment. Look, it's not that I'e gien up on eerything. It's just, I let go pretty easily, and what i hae, i do not hold tight. You could say, for things, or people. Physically that is. I don't like being clingy- if doing what you do makes you happier, I'm all there supporting you in what eer that is! If you prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else, I'm fine with that too. Like you told me that you don't want to be in the same class as me, so that i will not distract you in your studies. Didn't it turn out the way you wanted? But in the end, you must know. Emotionally, you're still there and always will be, in my heart. That admiration I had for you is etched into me. It wont eer go away. Its not that i gae up, but things hae been alittle crowded for me, as you can see. To tell you the truth, you seem further away than you'e eer been before. I hae no idea what it will take, to reach you, and pull you back to earth. p.s.And i'm not pretending, or ignoring, or putting up a false front. You're reading in too much. I'm just stonning, really. And sometimes I don't really notice people walking by..still dazed. Just to let you know. I'm really drained out by eerything that has been happening nowadays. So school is like a blur..I'm really sorry if I made you feel this way.
I just want the old you back.

Chipped @ 8:00 PM